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| Oh. Yeah. One last entry.
To all of those people who won't stay out of my own personal business.
I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY. I AM HAPPY.
So leave me the hell alone about it. I only need three things in my life, and one of those is a rodent.
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| I've had this little 'blog' for going on four years now. Four years worth of very disorganized, cryptic, crappy entries. And I guess, it's about time to end it.
I'm shutting down this xanga, and opening a new one (I'll post the link in a protected blog on Myspace) where maybe I'll write better. And where I won't have creepers following it o.o'
Maybe.
"And all of this for you."
bye bye d1stanc3 and for sure as hell I'm not re-using rabbittown. I let that one die a slow and painful death.
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| I just heard Owl City on a commercial for CNN. This has gone too far.
=c
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| And all of this for you
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I love how my xanga entries starting at around March of 2009 start going downhill slowly. Hah.
I also love how you hadn't said "I love you" until I left. Or how YOU were the one that told me to get out of the house that night, even though I was crying and saying "Don't do this. Don't do this."
When you followed me out the car all you fucking cared about was a book.
"Today, when you left my house you when I said
"I love you too"
you asked me
"Are you sure?"
I told you
"Yes."
I meant it. I mean it. I do, I really do. I'm scared/anticipating the winter. You're a different person then. But I won your heart then, so I'm hoping you don't slip through my fingers. I've been broken apart twice already, if you break me, it'll hit me the worst. There's a reason why you could get to me when no one could that rainy December night. I saw hope in you, life in you. You were the unequal, opposite, piece I needed to complete the puzzle that is my head. I know you make fun of these sort of things, but it's the truth. I'm ready for December in five months if you are, Zero."
You broke me in the end, but you drew it out slowly. Hope you're proud.
"This won't work."
"I'll just keep being miserable."
"The other six times I flipped it, it landed on tails."
"I don't care either way. The world could end right now and I wouldn't care"
I was worth a quarter to you.
I can already hear you bragging about it to the next girl, and she's going to think the same thing I did.
"He'll never do this to me."
Despite this entry, I'm still fucking smiling. So hah.
Hah. hah. hah.
(ps I want some nutella)
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| And all of this for you
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And you saying I never tried is the funniest thing I've heard this year.
I ripped myself apart, broke myself down, just to hope to get a smile out of you. To see you happy.
There's only so much a person can twist, turn, bend, before they snap and break. And darling, you broke me down.
You said you would, and congratulations, you shattered me. I hope you're proud of your handiwork. I hadn't known what it was like to be loved in six months. I hadn't known how to be free, or happy.
You had your chances, so many times.
"I don't care, I've heard it before."
"You're trying to guilt trip me."
or just plain being blown off.
I didn't look at you that night because I couldn't. Because I'd looked at you long enough. The person in those eyes wasn't the person I fell in love with any more. For all I know, the person I fell in love with could've been a front.
You had no fucking clue how much I tried, how many nights I'd spend crying and trying to find out what I could do to fix things. You never saw me cry in the car when you'd say your usual bunch of hurtful comments. You never saw the scratches and cuts from how much I dug my nails into my own skin, just to hold back everything I could've said. I should've said. But I knew you wouldn't hear.
Right. I'm not good with words when I'm trying to make them sound decent.
Going to go buy some gauges and dye my hair red now. Fuck you, life, you're still a flippy floppy confusing bitch
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